


Don't Be Sorry (for who you are)

by BatRat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25583875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatRat/pseuds/BatRat
Summary: Overwhelmed by her feelings and fear of rejection, Yachi finally loses it. Shimizu is there to sooth her pain with a much welcomed surprise.
Relationships: Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 4
Kudos: 68





	Don't Be Sorry (for who you are)

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write smut at first but ended up wriring the fluffiest fluff of all fluffy fluffings. Have fun, hope y'all enjoy it!

The sun had long set and the gentle warmth of a spring night filled the locker rooms. It wasn't unusual for Yachi Hitoka to spend some time around the court after the team had gone home, taking care of the mess made by the boys and cleaning what they were too tired to clean themselves. Having something to care after was comforting, and her team slowly was becoming a passion greater than she could have ever expected. It also meant she could spend a little more time with Shimizu Kiyoko: the sole reason Yachi had started her journey as a management member of Karasuno's volleyball team.

Most days they would make quick chat about their lives followed by more important conversations about the team, their needs and their schedule. Shimizu's dedication was heartwarming and Yachi loved watching her focused dark eyes under glasses, how her lips curled up in timid smiles of silent approval when Yachi made attentive remarks, how she moved her silk-smooth black hair from her face to behind her ear every time she needed to concentrate a bit more. Sometimes it was hard for her to pay attention to what was being discussed, getting too frustrated by how simply beautiful Shimizu was.

This, by the way, was one of these days. After trying to understand what was being said and the words she herself wrote on her notes, her frustration grew so widely Shimizu had to call an end to the two parts meeting. Yachi had tendencies to get overwhelmed very easily from time to time, though she tried to hide her stress and anxiety. She wanted so much to be a reliable member of the team!, and knowing her emotions were that clear and transparent to the point of disturbing her work was truly depressing. She felt defeated and that's why, following her senior to the girl's locker room, she sat on the nearest bench, hugging her knees to sink into herself and - to her shame - sulking a little. 

"You all right, Yachi?" Shimizu asked while by the mirror, fixing her hair and looking stunning as ever even after a full day of work. She was obviously tired, but it didn't take a single beam from her light. Yachi hid her face on her folded arms, forcing herself not to look anymore, not to pin anymore.

Light steps came in her direction and she tensed up a little, knowing what came next: the god-damned soothing hand on her shoulder. How could a single human being hold so much sweetness? Shimizu's long fingers gently caressed her arm like she hadn't just messed up her obligations by having an emotional burnout, the older girl slowly sitting by Yachi's side like they were friends. It felt good, but it also felt pitiful: Shimizu only cared because they were colleagues, not because they truly were friends. They would never be, she was just too unreachable while on the other hand Hitoka herself was messy, unreliable and unsure.

"What happened?"

 _You,_ was what almost burbled out of Yachi's mouth, who had to bite her lower lip to keep herself from saying something absurdly stupid. She was already in hot waters for being less useful than she should and _she knew_ that her senior knew. The team was just waiting for a big mistake to kick her out, it was a matter of time until someone lost their cool with her and finally gave the mercy blow of a club expulsion, it was closer and closer by each day, she would…

A strangled exhale escaped her lungs as she tried to clean her mind from these fears so she wouldn't scare the senior manager with a complete freak out, who already was doing more than expected for someone who wasn't even a friend.

"It's just too personal, Shimizu" came more as a mumble than anything. Maybe if she acted impersonal Shimizu would go home sooner, leaving her to cry alone before closing the court.

"It's ok if it's personal, I'm here to listen." The senior said, squeezing Yachi's shoulder, whose stomach churned crazily at the perspective of expressing what was going through her mind. She would run to Tokyo on her own before speaking about that! "For real, Yachi, I won't judge you."

 _Yeah, I bet you won't._ Yachi sank even more on her arms, now ready to burst into tears by any second. Kiyoko's kindness wasn't something she deserved.

"You can talk about personal things with me. Remember… Remember when I told you about how I spent a whole week without going to the bathroom to poop? It was very personal!"

Contrary to her will, Yachi snorted, raising her head a little so she could look at her senior. Shimizu looked truly concerned and it pained her heart to see those grey shimmery eyes like that. Oh her heart, her dumb stupid heart! She weighed her possible answers, calculating her chance of running away without saying a thing. "It's more personal than that" won and she timidly muttered that, watching her senior's reaction.

The senior student seemed pensative, cocking her head for a second and humming a low hmm, seeming to be looking for the right move to make, the right words to say. Yachi's heart spiked, afraid of what was to come.

"Is it about a boy?"

Without even thinking too much, she let the worst and most ambiguous answer be her downfall:

"Not exactly." 

_Why, mouth, why don't you respect me_?

If Shimizu was surprised, she didn't show it. Maybe she wasn't even considering the possibility of it being about a girl in the sense most girls thought about boys. Maybe, _not exactly_ meant nothing but not exactly. Maybe Yachi was overreacting by breathing so quick and feeling like her heart was about to jump like a frog out of her mouth.

"So is it about a problem?" The senior asked while moving her hand from Yachi's shoulder to one of her knees, patting it over her gym pants. It should be a crime to be so considerate and to make someone's mind speed like a roller coaster the way Kiyoko was able to. She was sure her face was starting to get redder than normal, or maybe it was her blood pressure about to burst her internal organs. By then, Hitoka was sure her senior was a witch, capable of making people do things for her against their wills! The caresses on her leg were like a truth serum that fogged her brain and, before she could stop herself, she was babbling incoherently trying to explain what was going on. How could she lie, how could she hide, when Shimizu was watching her with those big, lovely, caring eyes?

"Yeah… I mean, not exactly, but yeah. What I mean is, I have been thinking, and what I have been thinking about isn't a nice thing, it's actually a really bad bad thing, and maybe wrong? No, definitely wrong, I mean…" A deep inhale came and she squeezed her eyes shut, too far into this mess to stop now and pretend it wasn't happening. The truth was better than Kiyoko figuring herself what those things could possibly be, wasn't it? Right? "Have you ever thought about… Kissing a girl?"

Yachi could feel her face burning. Her temples were thrumming with how quickly her heart beat and she was so scared she rather die before opening her eyes. Shimizu's hand still was on her leg and she waited until the dreadful moment the question sank in and her senior withdrew her touch. It wouldn't take long and here was her big mess up, her ticket to a definitive bye-bye from the volleyball club.

"Yachi."

The second manager kept her eyes shut, hugging herself tighter and biting her lower lip until drawing blood. Something about Shimizu's voice tone was somber and scary and made her stomach burn in pain. Tears were already forming in her eyes and she was too powerless to keep them hidden. Crying was just a stab more in her overall painful death.

"Yachi, please. Look at me, Hitoka."

Oh no. She was so definitely _fucked_. It was coming, the expulsion was coming, and she had to face it like a woman!, because her shame was already too great, now she had to put that chin up and accept her faith. It was the least she could do to salvage her reputation. Thus, slowly and scared, Yachi turned like a warrior ready to face battle. Her eyes were blurry by tears and it took her a second to register what she was seeing and a couple more to understand what was happening:

Shimizu had a single tear rolling down her calm face and a sad smile on her lips. If she wasn't so distraught, Yachi would have blushed by realizing how ethereal she looked like that, a melancholic romantic painting made flesh and blood in the form of Shimizu Kiyoko. Her eyes were so shiny and her hair framed her pale face like the locks of a fairy tail princess.

"Oh, Shimizu, please, forgive me!" Yachi said, crying even more, now holding her head against her knees with both hands on her nape, like she was trying to hide from the world. "Please don't hate me, you don't ever need to see me again, I swear! I'm unenrolling from the club by tomorrow morning, so please don't tell…"

Her phrase was cut short by a pair of arms that embraced her, pulling her tiny body into a warm hug. Her shoulders trembled as she cried an ugly cry, too devastated to comprehend what was going on. Her panic had fogged her mind to a point in which nothing but fear made sense. Perhaps she sobbed in strangling despair for seconds, or perhaps for hours: she couldn't tell. But she was steadily made aware that what picked her up from the stormy sea her mind was into were the slow caresses on her back by feather-light hands and the soothing nonsense quietly spoken by lips pressed against her hair. It grounded her a little when the fear finally gave up to tiredom and her throat started hurting more than her heart.

Still, nothing made sense.

"It's ok, Yachi." Shimizu murmured, like it _truly_ was ok.

"Why are you hugging me?" Was everything Yachi could think of. She didn't fight it, she had no forces to repel Kiyoko of all people, but her mind couldn't register what was going on. It simply made no sense.

"Because it is ok." It was still confusing, but the tone was so positive, like _it_ _being ok_ was a possible thing and not an unreachable goal for Yachi, who had bottled up for too long her undying fear of rejection and disgust. Maybe she was dreaming, who could tell? Crying made her head hurt. Oh! Wasn't Shimizu sad as well? Disappointed perhaps? Why was she shushing her weep so kindly then?

"But I made you cry…" Yachi said while getting hugged even tighter, so close she could listen to her senior's heartbeat. Even her organs sounded beautiful and elegant!, what a silly thing to think about.

"Shhh. You didn't, Hitoka."

At that reassurance, Yachi closed her eyes and let herself be lulled a little longer. Shimizu was playing with her side-ponytail with one hand while the other made long circles around her back, dispersing all the tension and worries accumulated through the day and through a whole life of insecurities. The nonsense whispered worked like a charm, the promises of everything being ok, of no one is going to know, of I'd never think less of you, were exactly what she needed to hear. How could she carry such a burden without even realizing? 

Carefully, Shimizu disentangled their bodies, attentive enough to keep a hand on Yachi's head, like to assure her she was there and going nowhere. It slipped to her face, cupping her cheeks, and the young girl pressed herself against that warm hand, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. She was so scared still, but there was something about the way Kiyoko reached one of her arms and helped her get up that made her believe everything was going to be alright, at least for now.

They walked towards the sinks, no sound to be heard besides their muffled steps. Shimizu pulled Yachi closer, using a paper towel to dry her tears. By now, her face felt numb and her hands were the only part of her still trembling. The senior helped her wash her face, holding her hair carefully away from the stream of water and drying her cheeks with gentle taps. She was numb all over, confused but calm, scared but feeling no more ache in her heart. Shimizu's face was unreadable, concentrated in the task of cleaning like she did when she was in a test.

"I'm sorry." Yachi said when her throat felt less clogged by tears, bowing as deeply as her tired body could. She was so exhausted! Her feelings had sucked all of the little energy she had, making such a mess of her whole being.

"Don't be." Shimizu answered, a hand pulling her close once again to an embrace. Finally Yachi had the decency to blush, feeling her senior's body against her, the warmth, the shape of her bust, the flowery smell of her shampoo. Shyly she reciprocated, enveloping Shimizu's waist with her trembling arms. It was cozy and comfortable in there, Yachi wished she could live like that: safe, welcomed.

After a while, Shimizu took a step back. She looked deeply in Yachi's eyes, her face as serious as it could be, her lips curled in a friendly little smile.

"Yes." She said, taking a nervous pause. "I have thought about kissing a girl."

Yachi's heart skipped a bit. Maybe it had stopped altogether, she couldn't tell; all of her blood was on her face, making it redder than an apple.

"I… Wow, I would've never... I would have never imagine you…" The young girl stuttered, gaining as answer a constrained laugh that only served to make her even redder.

"And I'm going to do it now, if you want me to." Shimizu had the decency to blush for once, not leaving Yachi as the only one inhumanely red in the room. This was a dream, it had to be one! There was no way it was real. "Yachi?"

"Oh, sorry! I mean… Yes, I…" Too late to flee, especially after all the emotional trip she went through. _Breathe, Hitoka_! "I want it."

Kiyoko's hand on her face was as soft as powdered sugar, the thumb making circles on her cheek slowly and steadily. Yachi closed her eyes and shook her head, opened them again and realized it was real. It _was_ _real_! And Shimizu was taking a step nearer, approaching her with such gentleness only an angel could be able to reproduce.

Yachi put a hand on one of her arms, tip toeing a little, just to make it easier for them both. When they were about to kiss, both pairs of eyes closed, like in a movie. And Shimizu's lips brushed against hers, trembling at first, much more like a dream.

Without a single hitch more, they kissed. Shimizu's lips were soft as peaches, pressing against Yachi's like she could break at any moment. Yachi's hand went to Shimizu's face, mimicking the way she stroked her cheek. Her kiss tasted like cherry lip balm, and it ended sooner than it should.

Yachi opened her eyes wide, heart ready to fight a war. Shimizu was still there, hands on her, smile on her face, eyes closed and accepting. She could kiss her again and surely she did, now embracing her neck with both arms and clumsily pressing their lips.

Shimizu started laughing, but she didn't falter, hugging Yachi's waist and pulling her close, as close as she could almost as she wanted to merge their bodies. They kept kissing, feather like pecks all over each others' faces, giggling as nothing more mattered in the world but the warmth of their embrace.

"Shimizu… This isn't bad. I mean, I like it… a lot, actually." Yachi said when they stopped to look at each other, foreheads touching and smiles reaching ear to ear. 

"Neither bad nor wrong." The senior whispered, leaving a little peck on Yachi's nose, who looked away as soon as she was hit by the meaning of those words. Shimizu hugged her tighter. "I know it's scary now, but trust me. It's ok."

Yachi nodded and closed her eyes, hiding her face on Shimizu's shoulder and squeezing her. Too many discoveries in a day, too little time to process, but a single question that lingered unanswered:

"Can we do this again? Tomorrow?"

And just like that Shimizu laughed, beautifully and musically belly laughed, making Yachi smile in amusement at how gracefully she could do so. She looked stunning like that, happy and unrestrained, like she never saw her before. It also scared Yachi, who thought maybe her question was inappropriate, but her fears were quickly debunked:

"Promise me there will be no crying."

Oh, to have a heart racing like a hamster! Yachi's hazel eyes glowed.

"I promise! And sorry for messing your shirt, I can pay for it, I'm never crying on you again! Oh no your jacket too, it's all… Yuck, I'm so so sorry, Shimizu, I..!"

Yachi would love if every time she started babbling like that, Shimizu shut her up the way she did then: with another sweet, cherry like kiss.


End file.
